Tuesday, September 7, 2010

A Loving Stepmother

"Dear Jenny,

I love my stepdaughter so much and even though I'm not her biological mom, I see her as my own and I have been in her life since she was 7 months old (she is now 3 years old). My husband and his ex were never married. They had a custody battle and my husband won. His daughter stays with us during the week and spends every weekend with her mother. The mom isn't happy, of course. She has a new boyfriend and she wants the daughter to stay with them. But my husband and I love her and since I have been with her for so long it's like she has two mothers. His ex tells me to back off and that she doesn't want me around her daughter. I love my stepdaughter so much. Is it wrong being so close to her when she already has a 'real mom'?

-Loving Stepmother"


Dear Loving Stepmother,

It is wonderful that you love your stepdaughter so dearly and treat her as your own child. Unfortunately, being a stepmother is a difficult position. She has her biological mother, whom is present and active in her life. There is a very fine line here and you must be careful not to cross that line. Understand that she already has a mother and as long as she is in your stepdaughters life, you cannot fill those shoes. The most important thing is that the child is emotionally stable and happy. This situation will never be perfect, but as long as you support the child and don't try to fill a spot that is already filled, you and your stepdaughter will be happy. She is very lucky to be surrounded by so much love.

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